You Might Be An Entrepreneur If...

You've convinced your employees to never start their own business.

December 5, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...without trying you've succeeded in convincing all your employees to never try to start their own business.

After all, for some of you this list along is enough to dissuade you of your entrepreneurial aspirations. But imagine if you had been a first-party witness to such going-ons.

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You've actually taken a life coach's advice.

October 30, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...when a life coach tell everyone in the room "Think about what you would do if you had a million dollars in the bank--now go out and do that and don't worry about the money" you get the impression you're the only person in history who has actually done this and if the life coach had actually done it he might stop telling other people to do it.

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You've supported the campaign for a 36-hour day.

October 12, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've told politicians that you'll vote for them if they campaign for a 36-hour day.

I really have, but I don't think he took me seriously.

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You've slept in your office chair.

September 21, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've slept in your office chair, or possibly a lobby chair (they're generally more comfortable) overnight.

As an entrepreneur you become an expert on what is the most comfortable object or surface to fall asleep on, other than a bed.

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You're not sure why any of your employees continue working for you.

August 30, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you're not sure why any of your employees continue working for you.

One of the things I've been blessed with over the years, or cursed with depending on how you look at it, is a chain of highly loyal employees. A lot of them have stuck around a lot longer through a lot more than I thought they would, and sometimes that's been a good thing, and sometimes that's been a bad thing because I had to let them go and I hate doing that.

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You've earned more than a million dollars but have nothing to show for it.

You might be an entrepreneur if...your business has brought in more than a million dollars of revenue but you have nothing to show for it personally.

When I was 21 I had a goal to make a million dollars by the time I was 30. I made that goal in a way, in that I owned a business that had brought in over a million dollars, the only problem was that none of it had made it's way into my personal bank account.

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You've slept on the floor of your office more than once.

August 27, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've slept on the floor of your office more than once.

Heck, I've slept on the floor more times than I can remember, although thankfully it's been a while, plus I work from home now and I'm not so lazy that I can't make it to the bed.

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Your wife feels guilty buying a $9 pair of shoes from Payless.

August 25, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...your wife feels guilty about buying a $9 pair of shoes at Payless even though her shoes are cracked on the bottom and you can see her foot through them.

This happened last winter. I know it was winter because I remember thinking "Her feet have got to be getting cold if she's got huge holes in the bottoms of her shoes."

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You've invited someone to lunch and then asked them to pay for it.

August 24, 2007

You might be a shame-faced entrepreneur if...you've invited someone to lunch and then asked them to pay for it.

Geez, this is so embarrassing I think I'm repressing the memory and forgetting the details of how it all came about. Kids, don't do this. I mean, it's one thing if you forget your wallet, but we actually planned this one out. My only defense is that I was only an accomplice to the crime, although that doesn't absolve me from responsibility for being weak and spineless and going along with the plot.

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You've taken out loans on both of your cars.

August 23, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've taken out loans on both of your cars.

Here's how it works. "Sweetie, I need to make payroll in two days, and I'm $10K short. Can I make a cash advance on the credit cards?"

"No, they're all maxed out."

"What about our personal bank account's overdraft account?"

"You maxed that out for the last payroll, remember?"

"Oh yeah...can we get any cash out of your 401k?"

"It's only got $2K in it, and no, we can't get it that fast."

"Let's see...can't get an SBA loan from a bank that fast...don't want to borrow from my dad again...can't sell anything else on eBay...can't sell the cars because we need them...hey, wait a second!"

"Oh great..."

"Yeah, can't we get loans on the cars?"

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Your wife generally attends family functions by herself, even when it's your family.

You might be an entrepreneur if...your wife generally attends family functions by herself, even when it's your family.

Before I dive in, allow me to explain why I haven't continued writing about this "you might be an entrepreneur if..." topic for a few months. As I've mentioned previously, I'm a new man, and as such I've been hesitant to continue writing on these topics because I feel they represent the "old me" and I didn't feel that same way, nor did I want to return to being that way. However, as some more time has passed by, I feel more comfortable looking at the old me, and even finding humor in the ways I used to think and perceive the world about me. And so I will continue to flesh these topics out, if only to complete what I feel is an educational process for myself in retrospective introspection, and if it happens to be educational for someone else, so much the better.

Or in simpler terms, what I'm saying is that I'm writing as though it's the old me writing, but I'm really not "that guy" anymore.

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Every time your credit card works you feel an overwhelming sense of relief

March 15, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...every time your credit card works in a public place you feel an overwhelming sense of relief.

Of course I'm talking about business credit cards, not personal credit cards. My wife manages our personal finances so those are always in good order. I, however, being of a somewhat riskier nature than my wife, prefer the wild ride. And so on a regular basis I'll take someone to lunch, and then as I'm sitting there, waiting for the bill, I suddenly realize I haven't checked my Amex or Visa accounts for a few days, and something could have gone through automatically, and for all I know this transaction for lunch is going to get declined and I'm going to be in the embarassing spot of having to ask my guest to pay for the lunch because I'm not into carrying cash around. But the bill comes, the card goes, it comes back approved, and unbeknownst to my guest I feel like I just dodged a bullet.

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You pay all your bills on the last possible day you can, and you know all those dates by heart for each bill

March 6, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you pay all your bills on the last possible day you can, and you know all those dates by heart for each bill. Here's a little test, just off the top of my head:

Rent, due on the 1st of each month, but the landlord is pretty lenient and I can usually get away with no paying until...you know, I better not give too much detail on some of these.

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You keep working on your business despite everyone around you telling you it's a failure and you should just get a real job

January 18, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you keep working on your business despite everyone around you telling you it's a failure and you should just get a real job.

"Have you ever thought about just shutting everything down and going and working for someone else?"

That's the way people usually phrase it. Oh they mean well, but they don't understand. I heard a piece on Marketplace the other day about Howard Shultz, CEO of Starbucks that struck to the heart of it.

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You cut your own hair

January 15, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you cut your own hair.

I was going to say I don't think my dad has paid for a haircut since 1949, but I'm not altogether sure he has ever paid for a haircut. I'm positive he hasn't since I was born. He even installed a large mirror in his bathroom that is on a wall perpindicular to the wall the main mirror is on. It swivels out from the wall so that he can stand in front of the big mirror and has another large mirror behind him so he can see the back of his head. While that doesn't solve all the problems of cutting your own hair as anyone who has tried will atest to, it sure helps.

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You've wondered if there's any way to rationalize picking up a tobacco company as a client

January 5, 2007

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've wondered if there's any way to rationalize picking up a tobacco company as a client.

There are many types of companies I will never work with, and a tobacco company is just one of them. You can add alcohol, gambling/gaming/lottery, and porn companies as those I would rather than face bankruptcy than do business with. Other organizations that are in a gray area where it would depend on the details include MLM (Xango no, Stampin' Up yes), bizopp, and politicians (I'm bipartisan--I don't like any of them).

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All your friends tell you they wish they had your job, and you tell them you wish you had their's

December 26, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...all your friends tell you they wish they had your job, and you tell them you wish you had their's.

I was visiting with a friend of mine a year or two ago. He had a six or near-six-figure salary, a $650K house that was half paid off, nice cars, a big plasma screen TV, his wife was able to stay home, and while he certainly worked hard, he probably wasn't putting in the hours I have. And so imagine my surprise when he said "Man, I wish I were doing what you're doing."

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You've at least considered asking your life insurance agent whether the policy you just took out is still valid if you commit suicide

December 19, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've at least considered asking your life insurance agent whether the policy you just took out is still valid if you commit suicide. You know, Jimmy Stewart syndrome.

Ok, first of all, I'm not suicidal. Man, everyone takes things so seriously these days. That's why I put the line in there referencing It's a Wonderful Life. Speaking of which, I've got a Jimmy Stewart story I'll tell at the end of this post.

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You've worked multiple Christmas days

December 18, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've worked multiple Christmas days. And not just Christmas, but every other holiday as well.

There's a common myth that owning your own business means setting your own hours, making lots of money, taking vacations whenever you want to, etc. The truth is that when you own your own business you are a strange sort of slave, especially if your business is in startup mode. While I hope that someday my lifestyle can match society's misconceptions, it's been seven years and I don't feel like I'm anywhere close to it yet.

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You've had the urge to fill the room with uppercuts when someone says they're having trouble living on $120,000 per year

December 15, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've had the urge to fill the room with uppercuts when someone says they're having trouble living on $120,000 per year.

Oh, how I've looked forward to writing this post. This is based on an experience I had with a client who was particularly difficult to work with, and who one day, in the course of casual conversation, happened to bring up what troubles he was having living on an income of a mere $120K per year.

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You have the desire to choke anyone who says "And you can just write it off as a business expense!"

December 6, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you have the desire to choke anyone who says "And you can just write it off as a business expense!"

Apparently 99% of the general population does not understand what "writing off a business expense" means, which is why it qualifies for a humorous exchange between Kramer and Jerry on Seinfeld:

Jerry : So we're going to make the Post Office pay for my new stereo?
Kramer : It's just a write off for them.
Jerry : How is it a write off?
Kramer : They just write it off.
Jerry : Write it off what?
Kramer : Jerry, all these big companies, they write off everything.
Jerry : You don't even know what a write off is.
Kramer : Do you?
Jerry : No. I don't.
Kramer : But they do, and they are the ones writing it off.

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You wear the same dress shoes to work every day for five years, despite the fact they are all scraped up and look horrible

December 5, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you wear the same dress shoes to work every day for five years, despite the fact they are all scraped up and look horrible.

The funny thing about writing these posts is how many of them have improved during the last year. Case in point, I just got new dress shoes after wearing the same ones for 7-8 years. In fact, I splurged and got two pairs (yes, two!) of dress shoes.

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You've moved out of the house you were buying and are renting it because you can't afford to live in it

November 20, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've moved out of the house you were buying and are renting it because you can't afford to live in it. But the more interesting part is who we ended up renting our house to and the ensuing chaos. Imagine this: Your renters are a month behind on their payments and you get a call at work from a guy who says "I understand you're renting to so and so?"

"Yes" I reply.

"Well, I'm from the Department of Homeland Security, and we arrested so and so a few days ago."

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You know which restaurants in the area are open until midnight, and which are open after midnight

November 18, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you know which restaurants in the area are open until midnight, and which are open after midnight.

By the way, I had a dream last night wherein I was walking around at night and I noticed there were dollar bills all over the place just blowing around on the ground, so I started gathering them up, but they were all small bills, $1, $5, and $10. I don't remember there being any $20s. Do you think it means something? Either I'm going to find money coming at me from all directions and I won't be able to even gather it up there will be so much of it, or I'm just desperate for cash.

So here's the thing about eating out late--I don't do it anymore. I promised my wife that if she'd let me buy an iPod I'd stop eating out by myself, and man, it's harder to get someone to go eat with you at 2am than you would think.

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You have a plaque on your wall of a life preserver with the words "sense of humor" written on it

November 7, 2006

This hung in the home I grew up in until my dad gave it to me upon my requesting it. I figured I needed it more than he did. I think it's older than I am because it's been in our house ever since I can remember.

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Accountants Pass Out While Examining Your Books

October 27, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you hire an accountant and after looking at your books they come in with a frantically worried look on their face and say "You're going out of business!" and you calmly smile and say "No, that's just how we've been running the business for the past two years, it's nothing new."

This is based on a real experience that happened 1-2 years into my business when we were located down in Provo, Utah on Center Street. Here's how it all went down as best I can remember the details.

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You can't afford to quit

October 25, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you can't afford to shut your business down because if you do you won't be able to keep up with the debt payments unless you were miraculously able to land a job making $250K per year.

Aside from the question of whether I would do something different if I could (I probably wouldn't), I don't even have that option. You might recall the story about Cortez, or Columbus, or whoever that guy was who, when he reached the Americas, burned his ships to motivate his men to get things done over here rather than just packing up and leaving? That's sort of what I've done. I have two choices; declare bankruptcy or make my business succeed. Folding up my business and getting a job somewhere else isn't an option unless it involves a bankruptcy, and since I would view a bankruptcy in my case as being tantamount to stealing I don't see that as a real option either.

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You spend 90% of your time feeling like a failure but you keep working anyway.

October 20, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you spend 90% of your time feeling like a failure but you keep working anyway.

What does persistence have to do with being an entrepreneur? Is it wisdom or foolishness to continue on with something that doesn't seem to be working out that well? Sometimes you have to know when to fold 'em, right? Then again, sometimes you have to know when to hold on. When I was a student at BYU an entrepreneur visited and told about his diamond manufacturing business, the name of which escapes me, that failed for 13 years before it succeeded, and succeeded big time.

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You get rid of your TV and don't miss it one bit

October 13, 2006

TV and I have a love/hate relationship. If I sit down on a Saturday afternoon to watch a few hours of worthless TV, then it's kind of like eating a half gallon of ice cream in one sitting--momentary satisfaction that turns into a slight case of nausea just prior to more serious regrets due to a feeling of being bloated, lazy, and lacking in self-control.

On the other hand, with Tivo or some such digital recording contraption, TV becomes a joy with no regrets as I watch only what is truly stimulating while being able to skip commercials at the same time. I'm a fan of shows like Nova, Nature, and just about anything on the History Channel. Anything else feels like a waste of time to me. That's probably part of the reason why, when our TV that we had temporarily left in our rented-out townhouse was stolen by our renters who were later arrested by the Department of Homeland Security (another story in and of itself), we didn't replace it and haven't missed it.

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6pm feels like 1pm

October 12, 2006

Good heavens my fingers are sore. I've only been golfing once in my life, and I had never been to a driving range until last night. I don't know if my hands are just out of shape or if I dove into driving with too much relish, but my fingers are incredibly sore this morning. Not the skin, the joints. My forearms are fairly sore as well, but I'm not noticing that as much as my fingers. But on to more important things, like relativity.

Scientists, experimenting with Einstein's theory of relativity, have put extremely accurate atomic clocks into space while keeping a matching clock on earth and have found that over time the clocks keep time at different speeds. Apparently every 10,000 years the clocks will be off by one second, although they can start to measure a difference after just one year. But if you're interested in experiencing relativity for yourself, start a business and you'll notice within one day that time moves at a completely different speed for entrepreneurs.

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You don't understand how people find time to exercise

October 3, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...when you see a grown man riding his bike for exercise at 7am when you're on your way to work you think "How in the world does anyone have time for that?"

Ironically I just started a new exercise regimen and went walking for 50 minutes this morning. But I had to get up at 5am to do it.

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You start hoping that you become a victim of identify theft because maybe everyone who is after you to pay your bills will go after the thief.

September 29, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you start hoping that you become a victim of identify theft because maybe everyone who is after you to pay your bills will go after the thief.

To introduce this subject let me tell you a bit about my car, which I may have mentioned before, but to which I desire to bring renewed focus for the purpose of illustrating this point. My car is a '98 Audi A4 and, much like Eric Snider's beloved Pedro, is possessed by the devil and while indestructible forever taunts me by refusing to allow less than 7 parts of the car malfunction at once.

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You work for two days straight without sleeping and then feel guilty for buying a hamburger off the dollar menu at McDonald's because you really can't afford it.

September 27, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you work for two days straight without sleeping and then feel guilty for buying a hamburger off the dollar menu at McDonalds because you really can't afford it.

If you knew me well you'd know I wrote this over a year ago because I haven't eaten at McDonald's since I saw Super Size Me. I haven't had much of any similar food either. I went to Carl's Jr. once a few months ago, and I don't even know how I managed that, especially after hearing one of my employee's stories about his wife biting into a vein in one of their burgers, which became known around here as the "vein-burger story."

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You've had to explain to your employees that without profits you can't save up for a rainy day

September 26, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've had to explain to your employees that in order to save up money so that you will never be late on payroll again you have to have at least one month where you make more money than you have to spend to stay in business.

When I've been late on payroll I have occasionally gotten into a discussion with an employee on the topic of saving up money so as to not be late on payroll again. I understand where they're coming from, but without profits the idea of saving up money to be used in case of a shortfall later is nothing more than a nice idea.

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You begin interviews by saying "Of course, from time to time we won't be able to pay you."

September 25, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you have to begin interviews of potential employees by saying "I need you to understand that sometimes I won't be able to pay you."

This one is more of a joke. In reality I would never tell a potential employee they might not get paid. I prefer to lie to them.

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You've had dreams about your employees' wives yelling at you

September 21, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've had dreams about your employees' wives yelling at you.

Ah, I've been looking forward to this one. This is based on a true experience, that is, a real dream I had.

When I've been in danger of being late on payroll I start getting more and more stressed as payday approaches. I tend to break out and feel a need to eat larger quantities of ice cream than usual (ice cream is my primary vice, kind of like hard liquor for others). Of course part of the stress is because I hate having to tell my employees that payday is going to be on a "new, special day" this time, but truth be told I'm more scared of the wives (I say "wives" rather than spouses because no women work here, a problem I'd like to rectify because we've got two employees that need to get married off and if it doesn't happen by way of an office romance I'm not sure it will happen at all...just kidding guys...well, sort of).

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You're the lowest paid employee in your company

September 18, 2006

Yes, you might be an entrepreneur if...you're the lowest paid employee in your company.

A common misconception amongst the general public is that people with "CEO" or "President" on their business card make lots of money. If the company name on that card is "IBM" or "Ford" then that's probably true (although if you're at Ford then you've got other issues to deal with), but if it reads "MWI" on your card as well as any title of significance in the hierarchical management structure then chances are as your title goes up your pay goes down.

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You've averaged 60-80 hours per week of work for the past five years

September 14, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've averaged 60-80 hours per week of work for the past five years.

When I was a kid I felt like I had been sold into slave labor if I had to do two hours of work in a week. I worked at Little Caesar's for a few months during high school and putting in four hours straight felt like an eternity. During college I had jobs ranging between 30-40 hours per week, and that also felt like a lot of time. What's strange about working 60-80 hours per week when it's your own business is that rather than feeling overworked, you feel as though it's still not enough time.

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You've had to explain to your employees the concept of "no money"

September 12, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've had to explain to your employees the concept of "no money".

In no way do I mean to ever insinuate that employees are not justified in demanding to be paid on time. That's their right. It's part of the contractual agreement between employer and employee unless specifically stated otherwise. An employee has every right to be peeved, even miffed, if they do not get paid on time. However, despite an employer's best intentions and efforts sometimes there is simply no money. I've been in that position many a time, and on rare occasions I've had to deal with employees who weren't just flustered, but who couldn't quite grasp what I was telling them or didn't seem to believe what I was saying when I said "There is no money."

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Your only source of income over the past three years has come from your wife

September 11, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...your only source of income over the past three years has come from your wife.

A toast to the spouses of entrepreneurs, we couldn't do it without them. It's typical for a male entrepreneur, when asked to give a speech at a business event, to give some token credit to his wife for being supportive, patient, and helpful in general. He may be giving that credit because he's afraid there will be heck to pay when he gets home if he doesn't, or because he thinks others will think him ungrateful if he neglects it, or there may be a lot more behind that statement than the casual listener realizes. In my case, when I say I couldn't have done it without my wife, I do mean that she has been supportive, patient, and helpful in general, but I also mean that I literally could not have done it without her, because she's been paying the bills for the past three and a half years.

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In the six years you've been married you've never taken your wife on a vacation

September 8, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...in the six years you've been married you've never taken your wife on a vacation.

It got up to seven years, but right after our seventh anniversary we actually took our first vacation. We went to Oregon for a week and stayed with friends in Portland and Seaside. Hopefully we won't have to wait another seven years to do something together.

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You've "borrowed" money from the IRS by not paying your payroll taxes so that you have enough money to pay your employees

September 7, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've "borrowed" money from the IRS by not paying your payroll taxes so that you have enough money to pay your employees.

I guess you could say I like knowing where the limits are. How long can I go without making my loan payment before they refer me to the credit division of the bank? How long can I resist going to the bathroom before I cause permanent damage? And how long can I go without paying payroll taxes before the IRS comes after me?

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You've risked permanent bladder damage because you don't take time to go to the bathroom

September 6, 2006

For those who are getting depressed reading my entries this one will be a breath of fresh air, like receiving a pick-me-up bouquet from Merlin Olsen. You might be an entrepreneur if...you've risked permanent bladder damage because you don't take time to go to the bathroom.

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You haven't been paid in three years

September 5, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you haven't been paid in three years.

You're probably thinking "He's getting paid somehow, he's just not taking a standard paycheck is what he means." This is true, if you count reimbursements as pay. But even the reimbursements I've received have been pretty slim compared to what I've put in. Other than that I have not received a paycheck or taken a draw from my company since February of 2003. I guess that means it has been over three and a half years at this point.

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You've had an employee get angry at you for giving someone else their paycheck before them

September 2, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've had an employee get angry at you for giving someone else their paycheck before them.

This is a tough one. There are some things I've done as an employer wherein if my employees were to get angry or frustrated I could hardly blame them, and yet there's not much I can do about the situation and I share in their frustration at times, although I've been through the ups and downs long enough to get used to them.

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You've had to explain to your employees why there's no money for their paychecks

September 1, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've had to explain to your employees why there's no money for their paychecks.

You might be reading this thinking "This guy doesn't sound like an entrepreneur, he sounds like a poor businessman." That may very well be, but if being ill-prepated to make payroll puts me into a certain group of businessmen at least I'm in good company. Remember the infamous story about FedEx founder Fred Smith who was in dire financial straits so he flew to Las Vegas with the last of his company funds and then won enough hands of blackjack to make payroll? I don't condone gambling, but Las Vegas should be airing commercials about that guy day and night. Who knows how many fledgling businesses would go under due to their owners gambling away the last of their cash on hand.

But trust me, if you're an entrepreneur and have never had to explain to employees why you're going to be late on payroll then you've really missed out.

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You've worked overnight for two nights to pay an employee's mortgage

August 31, 2006

You might be an entrepreneur if...you've worked overtime, over a weekend, or two consecutive days not so that you could pay your own mortgage, but so that you could get money to pay one of your employees' mortgages.

Anyone who has started a business knows the working life of an entrepreneur differs dramatically from that of the standard 8 to 5 employee. If I required it I'm sure my employees would put in some overtime. I could probably get them to work 60 hours per week for a few weeks, maybe even a month or two. Some of them probably put in some overtime unbeknownst to me. But if I asked them to work until 2am every night, six days a week, for two years, with an all-nighter thrown in once per week, I think I'd start having problems with employee retention. Even if the employees themselves were willing, their spouses wouldn't be.

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